Crying Eyes, Smiling Eyes
by WritingReadingLaughing
Summary: It's Arthur and Gwen's wedding and everyone is happy. Except Merlin. Who will comfort him after old memories come back. Includes the knights. No Slash. Very, very minor spoilers. Please R&R. Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**This story was something that I wrote to break my writer's block and I quite liked it so I decided to post it. Hope that you like it. Very, very minor spoilers, but just thought that I should mention it.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me. However the story that I wrote does.**

* * *

><p>Merlin watched as Gwen was crowned Queen of Camelot and Arthur's wife. He was happy for them and cheered along with the others. They deserved this chance to be together and rule Camelot. Yet behind the thin layer of happiness, Merlin's sadness was carefully concealed. He had lost everyone that he cared about and he didn't want to lose Arthur and Gwen as well. Merlin scratched an itch on his arm. The shirt Arthur had given him for the wedding was formal and Merlin hated it. Arthur had listened to him complain and then walked away saying that if Merlin didn't wear it, he wasn't allowed to go to the wedding. Merlin had grudgingly agreed and put it on. It was a long red jacket that went halfway to his knees. Arthur had allowed Merlin to wear his neckerchief, for which Merlin was extremely grateful. The familiar rough cloth around his neck brought some comfort to the young warlock.<p>

When the ceremony was over and the people began to come forward to offer their congratulations to their new queen, Merlin quietly slipped through the door of the Great Hall. He would speak to Gwen later. Right now, he just wanted to get away. Taking all the shortcuts and passageways, Merlin made his way to his room where he pulled off the offending shirt and put on his old one. He reached for his jacket that hung on the back of the door and put that on too. It felt good to be wearing his normal clothes again, even if Arthur would probably shout at Merlin for leaving. To be alone with his thoughts and feelings once again. After the battle in which they had retaken Camelot, Gaius had been constantly needing his assistance in treating people who had been injured. Then he had had to help Arthur prepare for the wedding and do all his usual chores. Merlin then remembered that he still hadn't finished his chores from yesterday and hurriedly made his way to Arthur's chambers. When he got there he found that he couldn't concentrate. Merlin lay back on his bed and began to finger the small dragon carving that his father had given him the day that he had died. He remembered the day vividly. He had found out that he had a father and then fate had taken him. Merlin blinked back tears as the memories washed over him.

* * *

><p>"Have you seen Merlin?" Gwen asked Gwaine and her brother as the two came up to their King and Queen.<p>

"He was standing right beside me during the ceremony. I haven't seen him since." Elyan told her. The two knights were some of the last to offer their congratulations and Merlin still hadn't appeared.

"When this is over, I'm going to go find him. Merlin doesn't run off without reason, and his reason had better be good." Arthur joined the conversation.

"Don't be so hard on him Arthur. I'll find him." She nodded to the knights. "You'll help too, I suppose?"

"Of coarse! What did you think?" Gwaine exclaimed before adding quietly. "Anyway, congratulations and all that. I don't suppose you have any ale left?" Gwen shook her head and Gwaine stomped off in a slightly bad mood. The other three couldn't help but smile. All Gwaine could think about was ale. After another twenty minutes, Gwen managed to escape and look for Merlin. The first place that she looked was Gaius's chambers. He shook his head before she could even ask.

"Gwaine and Elyan were just here, asking for Merlin. I haven't seen him." Gwen gave him a small smile and left. She ran in to the other knights in the courtyard.

"We've already looked in the stables, the armory, the kitchens, the tavern, half of the castle, Gaius's chambers and some of the guest rooms. We can't find him. He might be in Arthur's room, which is where we're going to now." Elyan told his sister when she asked.

"I'll come. Arthur might not take too kindly to you two barging in to look for Merlin. I fear to think of what he might do to you."

"Don't worry. The Queen won't do anything to us." Gwaine grinned.

"I'll have you know that I am the Queen and Arthur is the King."

"Great. Now we have two Queens ruling this kingdom." Gwaine's cheeky remark earned him a light slap from Gwen.

"You can take up the conversation with Arthur. Right now we're looking for Merlin." She retorted. By now they had reached the door to Arthur's chambers. Gwen gently pushed the door open, signalling to the others to stay outside. Opening the door enough to slid into the room she looked for the familiar brown jacket and black hair. The servant that she was looking for was in the least place that she expected. On Arthur's bed. The covers had been recently washed and the pillows fluffed. Merlin was curled up in the middle of the bed and was crying. She could hear his muffled sobs and could see his breaths rack his body. Quietly she made her way to the big four-poster bed and sat down beside her friend. His eyes were closed and the sheets were wet from his tears.

"Merlin." Gwen whispered as she brushed away some of his hair that was plastered to his forehead. Merlin's eyes opened but he showed no signs of surprise.

"Merlin. Why are you crying?" She asked still in the gentle voice that she often used. Merlin didn't answer.

"Merlin." She asked again. "Why are you crying? Why did you leave?" Merlin closed his eyes again.

"I had to." He managed to say. A fresh batch of tears began to flow down his face. Gwen wiped them gently away with her sleeve.

"Why did you have to?" Merlin opened his eyes and Gwen could see the sadness deep within them. It seemed to be never ending. They were the only thing that she saw. Bright blue eyes that were filled with sadness and pain. Behind the happy, clumsy manservant that she knew and loved, was another layer. _A layer _she thought _that very few had ever seen. _

Merlin finally sat up and Gwen gave him a hug. Merlin opened his hands to show her the dragon carving. She kept her arm around him and picked up the little wood figure.

"It's beautiful." She breathed, as she traced her fingers over each line, finely cut and whittled.

"My father made it for me, the day he died." Merlin stated, his voice hinting at his sadness.

"I thought you said that he died, and that you never knew him?" Gwen asked.

"That was before. I found him and met him and I had a father. He died the next day."

"Merlin. I'm sorry." She said, handing the figure back to the servant and giving him another quick hug.

"Don't be. No one knows, so I'm used to it by now."

"I'm still sorry. But I don't think that you have told me everything. Merlin, please tell me what it is. I want to help you." Merlin shook his head. He didn't want to tell Gwen that their wedding had upset him and that it had reminded him about Freya. He wanted her to be happy on her wedding day and not worried about him.

"Please Merlin. Please tell me." Merlin shook his head again, but this time slower as if he was indecisive. Gwen knew that she was getting somewhere. Merlin didn't deserve to have to hide stuff if it made him this sad and he needed someone to talk too. She had a feeling that Gaius knew but maybe that wasn't enough.

"Please?" She asked one last time. "Gwaine is outside the door and I'll ask him to come and knock some sense in to you." The ghost of a smile tugged at Merlin's face, but his eyes remained sad and lonely.

"Freya." He finally said.

"Who is she Merlin?" Gwen asked gently, aware that this was a delicate subject.

"Freya." He nearly choked on his words. "I loved her." Gwen had already figured this out by the way that he said her name. She had never heard him speak about anyone like this.

"Seeing Arthur and I get married. Is that making you sad?"

"I'm happy for you, but it's just reminding me of her." He was in tears again.

"Where is she Merlin? Is she a servant in the castle?" Merlin shook his head. "A peasant?" Merlin shook his head again. "Does she live in one of the villages? In Ealdor?" Hearing Gwen speak of her as if she was alive made Merlin feel as if a knife were twisting in his chest and wouldn't stop.

"No. She died."

"Merlin, why did you never tell anybody?" She was aware that Merlin had lost family, but the fact that he had hidden it from her for so long, amazed her. She watched him crying before she gave him a hug. She put his head on her shoulder and let him cry. His tears soaked part of her dress but she paid no attention. He needed to cry out his sorrows. Someone knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Gwen asked.

"You know full well who it is Guinevere." Came Arthur's muffled voice from behind the door. Gwaine's voice could be heard having an argument with the King. It was something to do with having two Queens ruling Camelot. Gwen giggled.

"Will you just shut up, Gwaine!" Came Arthur's answer. "Please let me in Gwen, Gwaine is driving me mad!"

"Fine. Come in." The door opened to reveal Arthur in his ceremonial clothes. Gwen could tell he was surprised to find Merlin sobbing his eyes out and Gwen hugging him. He was about to say something before Gwen shot him a look to tell him not to interfere. Arthur raised his eyebrows before going to change in to his normal clothes.

Merlin struggled in Gwen's arms when he heard Arthur going to change his clothes.

"No, Merlin. Arthur can change himself for once." She whispered to him. Immediately Merlin stopped and his tense body relaxed and he began crying again. Sobs racked his body and Gwen felt as if she were holding an elderly person in her arms, so fragile and skinny he was.

It was a while before Merlin stopped crying and finally got up. Arthur had stayed the whole time, a slightly worried expression on his face. He didn't ask why, but he felt as if it was partly his fault that Merlin was so sad. Merlin had left dry-eyed and hadn't said a word, but he had given Gwen a small smile before he had disappeared in to the castle. And this time his eyes were also smiling.

* * *

><p><strong>If you want me to continue I will but this is (in my mind) completed. Please review...<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I'm back on this story and I've got an idea (I think) I'll probably have a bunch of different people trying to cheer Merlin up and maybe some of Gwen trying to find out who Freya is. I haven't got any fixed plans yet, so if you have a idea, please review or PM me.**

**Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me**

* * *

><p>It was several days after Arthur and Gwen's wedding and Gwen hadn't said a word since Merlin had cried on her shoulder. She hadn't pressed him for answers but she was curious. Who was this girl? And why had she died? Gwaine and Elyan still didn't know but the drunk knight knew that something had happened . Merlin had been slightly more cheerful then before but around her, his eyes were still glazed over in grief. When ever somebody else showed up Merlin would carefully hide his sorrow and would smile in his goofy sort of way. He was a very good actor, Gwen often found himself thinking. She would ask him more questions later.<p>

Arthur soon forgot about the incident and gave his servant even more chores. Gwen tried to help Merlin out by making their bed every morning and picking up after Arthur. She could tell that he appreciated it.

Gaius was extremely busy and she didn't see him very often, so she couldn't ask him about Merlin's love. Finally she picked up the courage to question Merlin a little more closely. She missed the friend that she had met three years ago. The friend that never failed to put a smile on her face. She made her way to Gaius's chambers and opened the door. Seeing Gwaine in a pink dress, trying to cheer up Merlin, wasn't something that she was used to.

* * *

><p>Gwaine knew that something was wrong with Merlin, ever since the day that Gwen had gone into her chambers and hadn't come out for a good half-hour. He had heard low whispering but Gwaine hadn't been able to make out what was actually being said. Arthur came by shortly afterward and Gwaine struck up a conversation about having two Queens ruling. That was sure to get on Arthur's nerves.<p>

When Merlin finally did come out his eyes were slightly red and swollen, like he'd been crying, but he seemed to be happier. His mouth was slightly turned up at the corners and his eyes were had a faint glimmer of their old humor and good-nature. Gwaine tried to ask him what was wrong but Merlin brushed it away and hurried down the corridor. He lived like a shadow for a few days, slipping around corners and disappearing when someone he knew came up to him. It took some time before Gwaine managed to track the servant down.

Gwaine had stolen a dress from the lower town and had brought it up to Gaius's chambers and put it over his tunic. Then he waited for his first friend to turn up. He didn't have to wait long as Merlin arrived only about five minutes afterwards. His friend just walked though the door and was looking at the floor, talking to himself. He probably wouldn't even have seen Gwaine had the knight not thrust a mug of ale into his hand and sat him down, while launching into a story about one of his quests. Merlin just stared at him before taking a tentative sip from the mug.

"Oh, come on! I haven't poisoned it you know?" Merlin gave a weak smile and took another sip. Gwaine had already downed two mugs and was chatting away, as if sitting in a chair, wearing a pink dress and talking about random quests to a servant was the most natural thing in the world. He even got up and tried to juggle several of Gaius's medicine bottles before they all smashed on the floor. Merlin raised his eyebrow in Gaius-like manner. Gwaine looked slightly sheepish.

"I'd be grateful if you didn't mention that to the old man."

Merlin just gave a small grin and nodded. It wasn't everyday that you saw one of the knights in a dress. (Though he had been informed by Gwen that Leon had once worn one.)

After a couple of hours and five pints of ale, Gwaine was just beginning a new very far-fetched tale about how he had supposedly fought off a hundred ogres at once and lived with only a small scratch, when the door creaked open and Gwen's face could be seen from around the door. Her soft brown eyes widened at the sight of Gwaine in a dress and she hurriedly closed the door behind her.

"We're busted now." Came Gwaine's voice. "She's going to tell Arthur. I'd better go before he sees me in a dress." Gwaine stood up and was nearly out the door when Merlin's voice came from the back of the room.

"Gwaine." The man in question turned and met Merlin's gaze. "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>There you have. Gotta go. My dad is going to shut the internet off soon. Review?<strong>

**P.S. There is a poll on my profile about what kind of story you want me to write. Please vote.  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, before you read this I want to apologize for the extremely late update. I know that I put this story on hold but that isn't really an excuse. School has calmed down slightly but I am also working on a novel that I want to someday publish so that will also be eating away at my fan fiction writing time. **

**All the chapters are more or less written and I hope to finally publish them and complete this story. I also want to thank everyone who has either reviewed, favorited, put on their story alert or even just read this story. It means a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Merlin**

* * *

><p>Arthur had organized a hunting competition among the knights a week later. Everyone was to go out and hunt for a few hours after which they would return to Camelot. The one who brought back the most meat or the finest catch would earn a day off to do whatever they wanted to do.<p>

Percival was prepared to give it everything that he had to win. Arthur had been working them extra hard and been sending them on frequent patrols to search for Morgana. Their searches so far had been less then fruitful. Morgana was no where to be found. They had only been given three days to recover from taking over Camelot before they were back at work rebuilding the city.

The next morning Elyan, Leon, Gwaine and Percival were saddled up and ready to go. Arthur came out and it was obvious to see that he wished that he was going as well, but his duties as king prevented it. Strangely enough Merlin was no where to be found. Normally he would accompany Arthur to wish the knights good luck but today the place next to Arthur was empty.

Apparently the other knights had noticed that to as there were many confused looks. None of the knights voiced any opinions but Percival saw Gwaine sit a little straighter in his saddle.

"I expect to see you all at midday with your catches." Arthur told them all and bid them farewell. They all headed out the gate and down the path into the forest before splitting up.

Percival headed south towards one of his favorite hunting spots. The sun wasn't yet high enough in the sky for it to be uncomfortably warm but there were insects. His horse nickered in annoyance as the many flies and mosquitoes buzzed around her. Suddenly, a twig snapped over to the knight's left. Bringing his horse to a stop as quietly as possible, Percival readied his crossbow. He pulled the string back and brought it up to eye level. He waited until his quarry showed itself.

Nothing happened. Sliding off his horse and drawing his sword while still holding his crossbow, Percival advanced. Still nothing moved. Pulling the branches of one of the bushes aside, he looked at the ground.

Merlin was leaning against a tree, his eyes half closed in the bright mid-morning sun. He had tear tracks running down his face and yet he was smiling. What surprised Percival the most was how close the servant was to what had been Cenred's kingdom. The boy was over looking a clearing and was on the very edge of Camelot's land. It was a peaceful spot and Percival decided to stop for a while. Merlin didn't say anything when Percival sat down beside him but watched him through lazy eyes. The knight leaned back against a tree and closed his eyes against the sun. The warmth slowly lulled Percival into a light sleep and

He forgot about hunting for the time being.

When he woke, Merlin was no longer beside him. Percival sat up and looked around. Merlin was sitting in the middle of the clearing next to a small pile of rocks that looked like a tomb on the other side of the border. The knight hurriedly stood up and began to walk towards the servant.

"Merlin. Your across the border. Who knows what could happen if you were caught." he said once he had caught up to the servant.

"Hmmmm…"

If it had been anyone other then Percival they would have been trying to force Merlin to come back to Camelot. Percival wasn't like that. He recognized the need for peace and quiet and if Merlin needed to come across the border to be alone, Percival wouldn't deny him that. The least he could do was just make sure that the boy didn't get himself into trouble.

The big knight once again found himself seated next to Merlin. The servant seemed to be lost in thought and probably barely knew that he was there.

They sat there for awhile, long past the time when Percival should have been back in Camelot and the sun was beginning it's long descent towards the horizon. The birds were beginning their evening song, their notes trilling through the trees and giving the scene a sort of peaceful tranquillity. But Percival couldn't help but notice the haunted look that was present in Merlin's eyes. Something bad had happened here, something that Merlin wanted to forget.

Percival was good at reading people. The more that he stayed silent the more that he observed. Many people overlooked the fact that just because he was quiet most of the time and didn't voice his thoughts that often, that he didn't pay attention to what was happening. That was what he was doing now. Merlin was at war right now. An inner turmoil had come back to haunt him and he was struggling to overcome it. Percival had noticed that Merlin had seemed this way ever since Lancelot had perished. He had managed to keep his feelings from the others and the war with Morgana had obviously kept him occupied. Until now. His past had come back to pursue him.

That was what Percival noticed. Merlin needed time on his own, to be able to come back as the young, carefree and happy servant that Percival had come to care about like a brother.

Merlin stood up abruptly and began to walk over to where he had tied up his horse. He mounted him and began to ride towards Camelot. Percival was surprised by Merlin's sudden actions but didn't say anything. He too saddled his horse and rushed after the servant.

It didn't take long for Percival to catch up to Merlin. The servant was riding towards Camelot at a slow trot and was obviously taking his time. Percival rode a couple of paces behind him, letting Merlin take the lead. Merlin was still silent and wasn't speaking. He didn't flinch when a branch slapped him in the face or when his leg grazed a tree trunk. He was lost in his own world.

The shadows were lengthening and the sun was close to dipping over the horizon when they finally caught sight of Camelot. The turrets could just be seen over the treetops, flags with the Pendragon emblem were flying proudly in the breeze.

The two riders rode up to the crest of the hill that over-looked the citadel before continuing their way down. Percival and Merlin rounded the corner and crossed the drawbridge. A patrol was assembling in the courtyard, obviously about to go and look for them. Percival saw Gwaine look over his shoulder and see them. A grin broke out across the drunken knight's face.

"Percival! What kept you?" Gwaine began to ride towards him and clapped a hand on the other knight's shoulder. The patrol, headed by Arthur, looked over. The slight worry that had been creasing their brows, vanished when they saw him. Percival turned to see where Merlin was, but the servant was already gone. He was probably leading his horse towards the stables. The knight jumped of his horse and handed it to one of the waiting servants and headed towards the armory to remove his chain mail. He walked through throngs of servants and nobles alike until he reached the armory door. He opened the door and was met face to face with Merlin.

The Merlin seemed a lot younger then before. He had a small smile plastered on his face and his eyes didn't seem weighed down with his past. His day away from Camelot had done him good.

"Thank you." Merlin said to the knight. Percival looked at him in surprise. He hadn't done anything.

"Why?"

"You stayed. You could just have seen me and kept on hunting. The prize for winning that would have been much better then staying with me. But you did. I appreciate it." Merlin tried to push past the knight but Percival stopped him.

"I did win. I caught a friend. That's the best thing that I could ever have captured on a hunt and you needed me even if I only sat there." Percival gazed into Merlin's eyes. An infinite amount of hurt, pain and wisdom looked back at him. Merlin nodded and looked away.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur's voice echoed down the hallway.

"Thank you." Merlin whispered before he sprinted through the corridors and crashed in to the king who had just turned the corner.

"MERLIN! You idiot!" Arthur exclaimed. Merlin looked at Percival and gave him a smirk. Percival sighed and entered the armory. He didn't feel like listening to the telling off that Merlin would receive.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope that this chapter makes up for the long wait. I will be going to San Diego soon but I'll make sure to post the next chapter before I leave. When I get back I will post the next chapters as soon as I can. In the mean time, that little blue button at the bottom has been missing the attention. Click on him to cheer him up.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**So we've had Gwen, Gwaine and Percival trying to cheer Merlin up. This is Leon's chapter. Hope that you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Merlin**

* * *

><p>Merlin should have known that it wouldn't have been a good idea to go to the tavern with the knights. Gwaine had persuaded the knights to join him for a drink or two. He even managed to rope Arthur into the plan as well. Naturally that meant that Merlin was going as well. He had promised himself that he would only have water or maybe half a tankard of mead as he knew that he couldn't hold his liquor very well. He immediately regretted it. The look that Gwaine had given him when he had ordered water was enough to change the mind of the normally stubborn Merlin.<p>

A beaker of mead was slammed down in front of him and Merlin could feel Gwaine's eyes looking at him intensely over the rim of his own tankard. Merlin picked up his gingerly and swirled the liquid around. Bringing it to his lips he swallowed it. He bit back a grimace and smiled weakly at Gwaine who nodded approvingly before turning back to watch the arm wrestling competition between Arthur and Percival. Merlin once again looked back into his drink and watched the murky liquid swirl around the cup. Memories came back to him. This stuff was the same mead that Gaius had given him and that he had taken to Ealdor. He had shared it between Will and himself on his first night back. That had been the last time that he had truly laughed with his friend.

A single droplet of water fell in his cup and Merlin realized he had just started crying. He quickly wiped it away and looked up. Every one was laughing raucously and no one was paying any attention to him.

Except one.

Leon was looking at him from across the table. His eyebrows were raised as he looked at Merlin questioningly. Merlin couldn't meet his gaze for very long. Instead he drowned his beaker and signalled for a refill. The serving maid came over and wordlessly filled it up. Merlin could see Gwaine eyeing her up and quickly poured his mead into Gwaine's tankard. Distracted by the new refreshment, he forgot about the girl. He again asked for more mead. The girl immediately filled it up. Merlin downed it in two gulps and once again got it refilled.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized that he probably shouldn't be drinking this freely. He hadn't had a lot of mead in his life and already he had almost tripled what he normally drank. His vision was growing a little fuzzy and his legs didn't feel as strong as they normally were. Leon was still gazing at the servant in concern.

Merlin didn't register what was happening when a firm hand was placed on his shoulder and was guiding him out of the tavern. It wasn't until he collapsed to his knees and began to retch that he realized that Leon had been bringing him home. This surprised Merlin a little. He had known Leon for some time, longer then the others and yet he wasn't great friends with him. They were more like acquaintances that had known each other for a while.

Merlin coughed up what little had been in his stomach and then wiped his mouth, feeling slightly better. He was vaguely aware that he was back in the castle and being helped in to Gaius's chambers. He felt himself being laid back on his bed and the rough sheets being pulled over his trembling body.

"I truly don't wish to be you tomorrow Merlin." That was the last thing that Merlin heard before he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning Merlin woke up to a pounding headache and the feeling that he would throw up if he moved. The light that came streaming in from his room irritated his eyes and he groaned. Laying an arm over his face he didn't bother to move or to tell Gaius about how he felt. The Court Physician would find out soon enough.<p>

A knock sounded from his door and echoed through his head. Without waiting for an answer, Leon walked in. Merlin didn't say anything about his visitor and just heard the loud scrapping noise of a chair being pulled up beside him.

"I know that you probably have a good reason for this." Merlin just nodded slightly. "May I ask what it is?" Leon asked.

"I had one last night. I can't remember it now though." He managed to say. Leon snorted.

"You were crying Merlin. You must be able to remember it." He pressed. Merlin groaned inwardly. He was hoping for a lie in and not being questioned.

"I don't want to say." This answer seemed to satisfy Leon as he stopped asking questions. He was beginning to think that Leon had left when the knight spoke up.

"You do know that you can talk to us. That's what we're here for. You don't have to keep yourself from everybody." Leon was speaking sincerely. Merlin moved his arm so that he could see the knight through one eye. Merlin nodded again.

"I've heard that from many people already. I'll try, but habits are hard to break and this one is particularly difficult." He confessed. Then he added as Leon got up to leave.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>I know that the endings are all quite similar but I think that Merlin should say thank you to all the knights. Also I know that Leon might seem a little OOC and that it probably would have been Gwaine or Arthur that would help Merlin out… If they were sober. In my mind Leon was the only one that hadn't had too much to drink and was being the sensible guy who would help the rest home.<strong>

**Also I hope that I wrote this scene okay considering that I have never been drunk or had a hangover.**

**I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow and probably won't be able to update until I get back next week. Anyway, until then, that little blue button at the bottom is not going to get clicked on by itself… Hint… Hint…**


	5. Chapter 5

**O.K. I finally have time to update this story. I'm still in San Diego and it's great here! At last I don't have to wake up to snow like back at home. Next chapter of Merlin's fairly miserable life. This time it's Elyan's turn.**

**Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me**

**AN: Re-uploaded as I found some spelling mistakes that bothered me.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Elyan hadn't been to his father's forge since he had been knighted over a year ago. At first he couldn't bare to see the place where his father had worked. Then he had had other things to do. Then it had become habit. Walking through town where all the hustle and bustle was could easily distract him and he would pass the place where he had spent much of his childhood watching his father work. He had always known that that would one day be his job before he had been knighted. Now it was another building, another place in town.<p>

It wasn't until Elyan was passing the forge one summer day about a year and half after he was knighted did he venture in. He didn't enter because he had finally decided to break his habit, but because he had heard sounds coming from inside. It belonged to Elyan and no one was allowed to enter. Elyan knew that Gwen sometimes visited even though she was Queen. It helped her deal with the pain of losing her father to Uther's sorcery hunt. This didn't sound like Gwen.

Slowly he began to walk towards the door that he had avoided for so long. It was taunting him. Calling to him. He pushed open the door and walked in.

There was a figure on his hands and knees obviously looking for something on the far side of the room. Closing the door behind him and dimming the light once again in the forge, Elyan drew his sword.

Suddenly a stack of rusty armour that was balanced precariously on the table above the figure fell and landed on the person's back. There was a stream of mild curse words and name-calling coming from the pile of metal and flesh.

Elyan bit back a smile. Only Merlin would call a pile of armour an "idiot". The knight relaxed. Merlin couldn't really be considered an intruder. The boy could only injure himself.

"Would you give me a hand?" Merlin's irritated voice came from the stack of fallen armour. "This isn't very comfortable." Elyan didn't ask how Merlin knew he was there and instead walked over to help him to his feet.

"Thanks." The boy said before starting to search through the pile of wood under the window. He sent that toppling as well. Elyan couldn't help but smile at the boy's antics.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Oh… Looking for something." Merlin replied.

"What for?"

"An amulet that Lancelot gave me… I lost it." Elyan's smile immediately vanished. He still felt some resentment towards the knight after he had kissed Gwen the night before her wedding, but he knew that Merlin and Lancelot had been close. Anything that Merlin had from Lancelot would be precious to the servant and he would probably not stop searching until he had found it.

"Why would it be here?" Merlin suddenly looked slightly guilty.

"We used to come here. It was peaceful and we couldn't be overheard. It… It was nice." Merlin confessed. Elyan didn't know what to think. He trusted Merlin enough not to pursue that matter.

"Do you need help?" Elyan asked, determined not to leave Merlin in the forge along for very long. Merlin's face brightened considerably.

"Yes!" He exclaimed. Then, as if he had just committed a crime. "If you don't mind."

"What does it look like?"

"It's a round amulet with two, crossed swords and two dragons, hanging off a silver chain." Elyan memorized the description and began to look around the dark room. Stools were overturned and some of his father's tools were scattered about. Merlin was already back to his searching. Elyan sighed and began to check the shelves.

Cobwebs covered the different items on the shelves and the dust was thick. It had obviously not been cleaned in quite awhile and the dust was beginning to irritate Elyan. He held back a sneeze and began to look somewhere with less dust.

The different boxes had all been searched and Merlin had even gotten a ladder so that he could check the ceiling. Elyan didn't have a clue as to why it would have been up there but didn't say a word. He just worked on holding the ladder steady. Needless to say, Merlin almost fell off it numerous time and once actually did. The servant blamed Elyan's ladder supporting skills and the knight didn't bother to argue. Merlin would just win the argument anyway.

It was sunset when Merlin decided to check the actual forge. He had wriggled through the hole and Elyan could only guess at how dirty he would be when he got out. The knight was lost in thoughts about his father when a triumphant shout came from the forge. Merlin's feet where the only thing sticking out.

"I found it!" His voice was slightly muffled from the soot and rock. He began to struggle out, but wasn't making any progress.

"I'm stuck!" Merlin shouted. Elyan rolled his eyes in exasperation and grabbed both of Merlin's feet. He gave a strong tug and Merlin inched backwards. The forge was obviously narrower then it seemed. He kept pulling. Merlin's leather jacket was bunched up around his shoulders and definitely not helping him get out.

"One moment. I'm going to get reinforcements." Elyan told the struggling form that was still stuck. "Won't be long." A muffled voice agreed. Elyan would probably never admit it, but he was scared for the boy. He could die if they didn't get him out. And what if they had to destroy the forge to save Merlin. Elyan hadn't been in there very long and yet his memories had come back and he felt an even stronger connection with his father's work place.

Elyan headed towards the training field where he knew Arthur would be. Because of his duties as king, he had had to change his schedule to fit in the training that he insisted on doing. He no longer trained in the morning, but later in the evening, before he ate dinner and went to sleep.

The sounds of swords hitting swords welcomed him to the training grounds. Arthur, Percival, Leon and Gwaine were having a free-for-all sword fight on the far side. Elyan hurried over to them and they all stopped when they saw him.

"Elyan. Your late. What's your excuse?" Arthur had made sure that all the knights attended training as to keep them on top form.

"There was been a slight incident at the forge." Elyan said.

"Wait… I thought that you never went in there?" Gwaine remarked. Elyan glared at the knight.

"Well, I did." He retorted.

"Amazing…" Elyan wanted to punch Gwaine right then and there but was stopped by Arthur.

"We're not here to argue. What is this incident?" The king asked.

"It concerns Merlin…"

"Oh… What has the idiot done this time?"

"He's gotten himself stuck."

"Stuck… Stuck where?" Leon interjected. "There can't be too many places to get stuck in, in a forge."

"He's stuck in the forge."

"Yes, we know that. Where exactly?"

"IN THE FORGE." Realization dawned on the knights. Arthur began muttering to himself.

"That idiot." Then he began to stride across the training field. The others followed him, leaving their practice equipment behind and heading towards the forge, Elyan leading the way.

They must have been a strange sight, four knights and the king walking in to the forge that had lain deserted for at just under two years. Arthur entered first, followed by Elyan and the others, and was the first to see what predicament Merlin had gotten himself in to. He groaned and let Elyan pass.

"Merlin. I'm back."

"I heard that! You knights make a lot of noise when you walk. And I bet prat-face is here too." Elyan looked up at Arthur who seemed ready to leave Merlin alone without help for a little while longer.

"Yes, he's here."

"Great… Oh and Arthur? Before you leave without helping me, I don't think Gwen would appreciate you leaving me stuck here. In fact, leave me. I can't wait to see the look on Gwen's face when she finds out."

Elyan saw Arthur gulp and he silently agreed with him. He didn't think that any of them would want to see what Gwen would do if she ever found out. Arthur walked over to Merlin and drew his knife. Elyan just made out the words. "Your going to kill me Merlin." Before Arthur began cutting away at Merlin's jacket.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Merlin's indignant voice echoed around the room. Elyan could have sworn that he saw Arthur flinch a little.

"Helping you out. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Not this way!" The other knights leaned back to watch the show, their worry abating slightly as they listened to the legendary banter between Merlin and Arthur.

Merlin's jacket was in tatters by the time Arthur had finished with the knife. The shredded material lay on the dirt floor gathering dust. Arthur signaled to Percival and the two of the grabbed hold of Merlin's legs. Leon and Gwaine stood by Merlin's head waiting should he accidentally bash his head against the rock. Percival and Arthur began to pull the servant out. At first he didn't move, he just shouted insults at the king. Arthur ignored them. Then after not to long, Merlin began to shift. It didn't take long for him to pull free.

Percival and Arthur, taken by surprise at the sudden release in tension, fell backwards with Merlin landing on top. The servant was covered in soot and his face was almost unidentifiable. He was grinning madly and didn't seem to mind that he was sitting on the king and a knight. He looked up at Elyan and held the amulet up.

"I found it!" The jewelery that Merlin was holding up seemed relatively clean compared to the state of the boy.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur's irritated voice meant that something bad would probably happen if Merlin didn't do what he said. Merlin tossed the piece of jewelery to Elyan and the knight caught it. Elyan looked at Merlin in surprise. The grin had disappeared and was replaced by a solemn look.

"Keep it. Lancelot would want you to have it. You'll take better care of it then I will." Elyan remained speechless. He was tempted to throw it away and forget about but something stopped him. Merlin had trusted Lancelot and loved him like a brother. This was a difficult gift to give to someone. The knight nodded. Merlin's grin reappeared.

"I think that I should go. I don't feel like staying here for too long." He stood up and darted out the door followed by a very irritated and angry Arthur. The king didn't make it two paces on to the street before a woman's voice was directed at him. Elyan peeked out the window and caught a glimpse of Merlin hiding behind a well-dressed lady. Elyan smirked as he recognized his sister.

"What are you two doing?" She asked, her voice deadly quiet. Elyan saw Arthur gulp. He didn't stay to listen.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so Merlin's life his getting steadily better but this is a story about what Merlin would do if he lost something from Lancelot. Beware for the next and last chapter though. Something happens…<strong>

**Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and that the little blue button at the bottom will get lots of love…**


	6. Chapter 6

**So this is the last chapter. Arthur hasn't been in this story much and he's going to get a bit more love now. Gwen is back in action and Gaius gets a little bit more story time. Just a little. Anyway, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin**

* * *

><p>It had been at least a month after the forge incident and Merlin was more or less back to normal. He still felt a slight pang in his chest when he saw Arthur and Gwen together but he managed to ignore it and get on with his job. The knights had helped cheer him up a bit and Gwen was making sure that Arthur wasn't being too much of a prat to him.<p>

It had been a normal day in Camelot. Merlin had woken up late as usual, delivered breakfast to Arthur and Gwen late as usual, got hit in the head by a pillow as usual and been given a list of chores which was longer then usual. It had required Merlin to clean the stables three times instead of the usual two. All in all it had been normal. Merlin had exchanged a couple of verbal insults with Arthur, while the king was going through paper work with Gwen. Merlin had been halfway through cleaning Arthur's twenty-two pairs of boots when Gwen had spoken up.

"Merlin, you have a letter." At her words both Arthur and Merlin looked up in confusion. No one sent letters for someone else through the king. Arthur put down his quill and reached for the letter. Gwen handed it over. Merlin was looking apprehensively at the king. He didn't know many people that would write to him, let alone write to the king. Arthur's brow creased in confusion and he threw the envelope to Merlin, who missed it and it slid under the bed. Arthur sighed.

"You really are a klutz aren't you Merlin?"

"Arthur!" Gwen's voice silenced him. The king muttered a half-hearted apology and Merlin smirked. One should never anger Gwen. Merlin looked under the bed and reached as far inside as he could.

"Don't get stuck Merlin." Arthur added referring to Merlin's forge incident. Merlin grunted in acknowledgement and stretched out his fingers so the he could just reach it. He pulled it out and didn't look at the seal. He immediately recognized the paper as the stuff that they sometimes made in Ealdor. He unfolded the single sheet and looked at the writing. It was neatly printed but the ink was slightly smudged. It read:

_To Merlin,_

_I'm writing to you from Ealdor on the last day of summer. I just wished to inform you that your mother passed away a few days ago and she asked me to inform you that she always loved you and that she always will. She asked you not to do anything rash, to be strong and not to let this affect you in a negative way._

_I offer you my condolences and hope that you will do as she wishes. Hunith was a strong women but the sickness that killed weakened her drastically. She wished to write to you herself and to tell you, but she passed away before she could. She was given a proper funeral._

_Leana,_

Merlin's hands were shaking by the time he had finished reading the letter. The last day of summer was just over a week ago. His mother had died almost two weeks ago and he hadn't been informed. She had probably been sick for a few days before then and it wouldn't have taken long for a letter to arrive from Ealdor. It had probably taken a week for him to get this one because of the many letters that Arthur got each day.

Merlin didn't notice the concerned looks that Gwen and Arthur were giving him or the fact that the ground was suddenly closer then it normally was. He didn't notice that he was finding it hard to breath or that the letter had fallen out of his hands. He didn't notice Arthur lift him up on to the freshly made bed or the gasp that meant that Gwen had read his letter. He didn't notice when Gwen sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug or Arthur ordering a servant to fetch some tea. He only thought of his mother and of her death. Of how he could have saved her.

* * *

><p>Gwen wasn't sure why Arthur had received a letter addressed to Merlin. The envelope was scruffy and the edges torn. She didn't recognize the seal and so she handed it to Arthur. By the look on his face neither did he. Her husband had tossed it to Merlin and she had looked at the servant expectantly. Merlin had fished it out from under the bed and ripped it open without bothering to look at the seal. He had removed the paper and Gwen thought that she had seen a glimmer of recognition in the boy's eyes. The servant finally opened the folded paper and began to read. At one point his eyes stopped roving the page and he had turned deathly white. His breathing had speeded up and his eyes seemed to fill with emotion.<p>

She and Arthur had shared a look filled with confusion and curiosity, as if they had been thinking the same thing. Next thing they knew, Merlin had collapsed and was staring ahead with a blank look on his face. Gwen had never seen Merlin have such a breakdown. Sure he had spent a good ten minutes crying on her shoulder after her wedding, but that was nothing compared to this. Arthur had immediately jumped up and lifted the broken Merlin onto their freshly made bed, while Gwen began to read the letter. It was immediately clear to her what had happened.

Merlin had always been close to his mother, considering that his father hadn't been there to raise him. Gwen hadn't had that sort of bond with her mother considering that she had died when Gwen was just a year old. Her father's death had been hard on her, but he had often been gone from dawn till dusk so she never saw much of him. Arthur didn't really have a mother to begin with and his father had severed many of his connections with his son. Merlin was different.

Gwen remembered that Merlin had once told her of his life before Camelot and he had spent a lot of time with his mother in the fields or looking after the cattle. Merlin had told her that he and his friend would come home and she would scold them before making warm soup that showed how worried she had been. His mother had always been there for him and now she was gone. No wonder he was this broken.

Arthur had lifted the servant on to the bed and was busy ordering one of the servants to bring a cup of tea. Gwen smiled to herself. Arthur truly cared for the servant even if he didn't admit it.

Gwen sort of half-laid, half-sat next to the curled up Merlin and pulled him into a hug, letting his head rest against her shoulder. He didn't show any emotion and didn't really react other then to relax slightly into her. She let him. Gwen didn't care about what Arthur would think. She had been Merlin's first friend in Camelot, long before Arthur.

The servant came back with the cup of tea and Arthur set it down on one of the bedside tables. Gwen smiled at him and nodded towards the letter that laid open on the table.

"Read it." She ordered. Arthur cocked an eyebrow at the demand but obliged. The queen watched as Arthur's eyes scanned the page and stopped at the same point that Merlin's had. He too, paled slightly and looked up at her. She nodded slightly and smiled sadly. Arthur put the letter down and squeezed the servant's shoulder. Merlin seemed to react to Arthur's touch, because he lifted his head and stared at the king intently. Gwen could tell that Arthur was slightly taken aback at force of Merlin's gaze. Then, the servant's eyes filled with tears and they began to slid slowly down his cheeks. Arthur patted his friends shoulder once more before leaving. The door closing seemed to be a signal as Merlin buried his face in Gwen's shoulder and began to cry in earnest.

Gwen was reminded of her wedding day and the time Merlin had done the same. It wasn't much different except that someone had recently died, instead of a few years ago.

The queen grabbed the cup of tea that had cooled off slightly and managed to get Merlin to drink some. He couldn't drink much as he would choke, but it seemed to help a bit. It wasn't long before the door open and Arthur entered with Gaius following closely behind. The physician seemed to be slightly taken aback by what had happened but he was trying not to show any emotion. He immediately went over to Merlin and Gwen shifted to let him see his ward better.

"Oh my boy… You never have it easy do you?" Gaius began to speak in whispers and he pulled Merlin into a hug. Gwen wriggled out from under the boy's body and allowed Gaius to fill her spot. Merlin didn't seem to register the change.

"Can you get someone to carry him, Sire?" Gaius asked, his voice wavering slightly. "I should get him back to my chambers." Arthur went and picked Merlin up. The servant curled up but didn't resist.

"I'll do it myself." Then the king strode out of their chambers with Gwen following closely behind.

They got many quire looks from nobles and servants alike but they didn't stop. When they reached Gaius's chambers, Arthur stepped back and allowed Gwen to open the door for him. She went on ahead and grabbed a couple of blankets from Gaius's bed. She had been in Merlin's room a few times and she knew that he hardly had any blankets. Arthur and Gaius had already laid Merlin down on his bed when Gwen came in carrying the cloth. She covered the quietly sobbing boy with it and then sat down in a chair beside him. The queen began to stroke Merlin's forehead gently while Gaius went to get a glass of water.

"You should go Arthur, you have your duties to attend to. I'll stay with him." Gwen told her husband who had been standing by the door, obviously uncomfortable. He seemed to think about it for a moment and then shook his head.

"No. I'll stay with him. When my father died he stayed up the whole night waiting. I have to repay him for that." He too pulled up a chair and sat down. Gwen smiled a little and stood up.

"I'll leave you then." She left knowing that Merlin was in good hands.

* * *

><p>Arthur wasn't sure what had told him to stay with Merlin when he was obviously uncomfortable about it. He had never been very good with words or comforting people. He knew how to plan battles and to fight, but with these sort of struggles he was in unfamiliar territory. Gwen had left him and Gaius was probably off somewhere doing some errands.<p>

Merlin had settled down and was breathing a little easier. Tears were still streaming down his face and his pillow was wet. Arthur sighed and then ripped part of his tunic. Folding the frayed cloth he wiped away the water droplets sliding down Merlin's face. Merlin opened his eyes and looked up at Arthur with the same intense stare as before. This time, though he seemed surprised.

"Is that your shirt?" He asked in a shaky voice. Arthur looked down at the fabric in his hands and nodded. Merlin's eyes seemed to fill with more tears at that. Arthur once again brought the material up to Merlin's face. The servant gave him a watery smile.

"I'm sorry." He whispered so quietly that Arthur almost missed it.

"What for?"

"I didn't finish my chores."

"To hell with your chores!" Arthur burst out. Merlin looked shocked at his outburst. "This is your mother Merlin. Don't worry about the chores. I'll get George to do it, as much as I hate his jokes…" Merlin chuckled as best as he could and Arthur joined in before becoming serious again.

"Merlin. Take as long as you need. If you want, go visit Ealdor and see your mother's tomb. I can do without your services for awhile. I don't want a sad manservant anyway. A cheerful one is a lot more bearable." Merlin's mouth twitched slightly.

"Prat."

"Idiot." Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder and stood up. "Get some sleep. I don't want to see you working for at least two days." The king closed the door behind him but didn't leave. He waited until he could hear Merlin breathing normally before peeking through the cracks in the door. The boy was asleep. He was smiling slightly and he seemed at peace. Arthur couldn't help but let a small grin grow on his face. It would take time, but Merlin would be able to get over it. If there was one thing that Merlin was, he was strong. Not physically, but Arthur had never known someone with such a good heart as Merlin. Merlin was his best friend and Arthur wasn't going deny it any longer.

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it. This story is finally finished. I hope that you enjoyed reading about Merlin's slightly miserable life and how he got over it.<strong>

**For the last time, lets give the little blue button some love shall we?**


End file.
